Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Chopping Mall (1986)

How can you not love a film that contains lines like:

"Let's go send these fuckers a Rambo-gram"


"What's that? Robot blood."


"Computer, huh? Let's go crash the fucker"


"I guess I'm not used to being chased around a mall in the middle of the night by killer robots"

The movie....

Oh yes! Seriously...Chopping Mall is just awesome...and is pretty much the definition of a true 80's classic. It has everything you want...EVERYTHING! Robots shooting laser, exploding heads, computers with square flashing lights, nudity, terrible clothes, ridiculous haircuts, big guns,'s all there....and more...the list goes on.

Some fancy-pants shopping mall have just introduced a new automated security team, the Protectors (No's 1, 2 and 3), three ultramodern security robots, programmed to protect the mall from intruders after hours. It should have been so easy. The robots were meant to be able to distinguish between baddies and good guys just by asking to see an identity badge...but somewhere it just went horribly wrong. I guess it's difficult to precise programming when your computer just has a few rows of flashing square lights.

One of the protectors

Anyway, a group of young mall employees are taking advantage of their keyholding responsibilities by having an after hours party at The Furniture King, one of the shops. They do what teenagers do in these kind of movies...get drunk, fool around, strut around in their underwear etc. And then...BOOM! the robots go crazy and start killing them off one by one. They have to take full advantage of what the mall has to offer and find the tools to outsmart those robots. I like to think this is all intended to be some some powerful satirical comment of American consumerism a la Romero's Dawn Of The Dead, but I doubt it...I think it's pretty much just robots killing kids and the kids fighting back.

Of course it's's called Chopping Mall...but it's also totally awesome. Seriously, watch it...or I'll send the Protectors after you.


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